I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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