This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
