ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
