Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
