When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
