Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
