I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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