I'm gonna have a badass scar
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
