I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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