Im at strip club and am horny
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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