Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I AM VODKA MAN
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
