I'm passing your future prison.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
