I skipped work to stalk him.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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