you turned your livingroom into a bong?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
