you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize