Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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