so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize