he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
