No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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