i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
