I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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