The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
