Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
