We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
