ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
