she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
and she was petting her beer can
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
