Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
