Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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