There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Never underestimate the power of titties
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
