Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You may now shotgun with the bride
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
