I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
