What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
