Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
