wrigley field is MILF paradise
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
