I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
where are you?
Hypothermia
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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