And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
