I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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