in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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