but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize