the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
