absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
