does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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