My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
