there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
