I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
