Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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