A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
