There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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