im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
