he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize