Where are you?
In a non slutty way
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
