Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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