u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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