she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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