WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
