there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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