Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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