please come you make the beer taste better
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize