If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
