i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
