If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
