the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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