Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
