I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she peed on how many people?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
