He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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