I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
