Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
