I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
