why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
