she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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