i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize