3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize