I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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