can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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