Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize