How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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