i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize