Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My bed smells like the plague
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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