I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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