its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
