wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
