He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I love you. Go after that dick
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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