Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
