i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
