She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
