I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
