Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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