I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
