so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
