That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
