why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
