In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
