our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
