Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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