He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
