Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
