I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
