i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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