I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
