he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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