guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
