I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
