Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(208): View more from Idaho

dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here

(1-208): View more from Idaho

what the hell does that mean?

(208): View more from Idaho

nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages

Fav 26 2997 4401
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(210): View more from Texas

i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue

Fav 5 4774 1243
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(845): View more from New York

I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?

Fav 9 4781 1172
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(732): View more from New Jersey

Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.

Fav 3 1031 3009
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.

Fav 10 3153 991
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(316): View more from Kansas

There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.

Fav 4 3915 820
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(712): View more from Iowa

I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.

Fav 5 2189 881
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't want my vagina anymore.

Fav 6 140 162
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(250): View more from British Columbia

I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.

Fav 0 66 28
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