Moan for me like Helen Keller
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
