Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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