wrigley field is MILF paradise
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I cut my penus on the lid.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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