I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
