His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
