Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
MIDGETS
????
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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