he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
