i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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