Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
